Leading with Heart

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Recently, someone asked me about my leadership principles. Words like vision, integrity, responsibility, and discipline rolled off my lips. Showing up with authenticity and presence, with a strong sense of inner knowing and mutual respect. Acting in a right manner, consistent in thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Of course, the archetype of leadership is the warrior. And last week, I spent 4 days hiking in the White Mountains along the 20-mile Presidential Traverse with 3 other warriors. (We started with 4 other warriors, but one was brave enough to say that the trip wasn’t for him. He became our base support.) Including our base support warrior, three were combat veterans; one was an amputee (and Paralympic alpine skier). I was the organizer and perceived leader.

Only one hiker other than me had mountain hiking experience. One was from the US Virgin Islands; not accustomed to sub-70 weather… They all knew me; only a couple knew each other before this week.

On our second day, after an initial first-day 4-mile steep climb towards the ridge line, four of us set out into the rain and clouds, temperatures around 50 degrees-F, and sustained winds of over 30 mph. Soon, at the ridge, we endured gusts over 55 mph. The way was rocky and wet. 7 miles.

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It soon became very apparent that we were all leaders. We took turns in front. We took turns caring for each other. We easily became a close-knit group. There were no issues with where we were going. There were no issues as we adapted to options we faced. The tenants of leadership organically materialized, strengthened, and flowed naturally from us, individually and as a unit.

We’d later roll into the AMC Lake-of-the-Clouds Hut and people asked us who we were. We seemed so comfortable with one another, like brothers. People noticed; they felt our presence.

Upon reflection, we knew that we were not just warriors, enduring the hardships of our experience with determination and fortitude; we were also healers – we were relating to each other from our hearts, indeed as brothers. We discussed the relationship – the balancing act – between our warrior and healer instincts. We discussed the special relationship we shared with each other and with our natural surroundings. We became immersed in the bond of friendship and our connection with the natural world around us. It seemed like the power of our group was well beyond the power of four individuals.

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In yoga, we become aware that, as individuals,we are on a self-realization journey discovering our own true nature. We utilize teachings from the Patanjali-Sutra that help guide us in our interactions: learning to live lives of non-violence (ahimsa), making ourselves more sensitive to the ways we often do subtle violence with our minds and our bodies to ourselves and to others; and learning to be authentic and truthful (satya), ennobling our own true nature through right action, allowing those around us to not feel deceived. We learn to be compassionate, with an open heart and an open mind. We feel safe being our authentic selves. We exude trust and faith in each other.

On our hike, these practices became our way of being. It was so nice to be in a place of sharing, of mutual support, of safety – even while immersed in a world of adventure and challenge.

Through heartfelt leadership, all of us as warriors and healers, balanced and flowing, we became one powerful unit, feeling successes well beyond the sum of each of our individual contributions.

In yoga, we look towards the ideal of pure awareness (isvara), surrendering to the unknown, letting go of perceived boundaries and past conditioning, having faith, and embracing the wisdom of uncertainty… together as one.

On this trip, I believe we scratched the surface of these feelings, towards this ideal, leading ourselves forward like we were one common soul – with heart. And in peace.

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On these rocks, we became Brothers.

Of course, our next challenge will be bringing these teachings into our daily lives and to the world around us. Maybe as brothers, we can.

 

 

Okay, So It Was Only 180 Miles

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Back then, there were no cell phones. Back then, there were no portable GPS’s. Back then, there were no GoPro video cameras, no social media. Back then, I thought I had ridden about 200 miles. In one day.

So now, 38 years later, I finally checked my route on the computer. 180 miles. Give or take.

I had just returned from a Chuck Mangione concert at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. Children of Sanchez. 1978. “Without dreams….” still playing in my head. It was 1978. It was midnight.

My family was on the beach in Rockport, Massachusetts on vacation. I was working in Schenectady, New York for an architect doing drafting work. I had just finished my sophomore year in college. I wanted to take a few days off and go to the beach. So I did. Without a car.

I got up at 3:00 am and started riding. A 10-speed, steel-framed bike with a hard leather seat and non-padded drop handle bars. I had never ridden more than 10 miles before. I did not have padded shorts nor gloves nor a shirt that covered the bottom of back. I did not know what dehydration was. I turned on the generator-powered light. Wrapped a bandana around my head. Off I went.

A flat tire in Hoosick Falls. Before sunrise. Not a car on the road. “Every child belongs to mankind’s family. Children are the fruit of all humanity. Let them feel the love…”

Breakfast at McDonald’s in Bennington, Vermont, just as it opened. 7:00 am.

Up Route 7 to Prospect Mountain and Woodford. Down Route 7 to Wilmington (it was my first visit to the town that I would move to 20 years later). Up to Hogback Mountain. Down to Brattleboro. It was lunchtime. I was hungry again.

I remember having a burger across the Vermont border in Hinsdale, New Hampshire. It tasted like cardboard. I didn’t know why I didn’t have much saliva.

Then all I could remember in New Hampshire was up, then down, then up, then down… over and over. It was over 90 degrees and humid. It seemed like the towns were always about 10 miles apart. I had a paper map. Get a drink every 10 miles. Hold my head up. Peddle on.

There is something about long-distance bicycling that keeps you focused. You just have to keep going. One stroke at a time. I observed my thoughts… Present-moment awareness. No choice.

Somewhere in New Hampshire, I was startled by a chasing dog who happened to get a peddle in his jaw as I was speeding down a hill. Momentum was everything!

“All men need a place to live in dignity….”

My lower back hurt. My butt and hands were numb. My mouth dry.

“Those who hear the cries of children, god will bless…”

As I crossed into Massachusetts, around dinner time, I realized I was not going to make it to Rockport that evening. New Hampshire, the smell of pavement and car exhaust, and 95-degree heat, had slowed my pace. I called Rockport.

You see, I hadn’t told my parents I was coming. “You’re where? Doing what?”

“Can you pick me up in Lowell later?”

So, 18 hours later, my father and my uncle picked me up on the streets of Lowell, Massachusetts, near some town park where July 4th weekend festivities were starting.

I spent a couple days on the beach. Nursing a burnt back. Trying to get feeling back in my hands and butt. Walking slowly. Drinking fluids. Humming music.

“As my children grow, my dreams come alive…”

No pictures to share. Just stories. And the music I remember.

“I will always hear the Children of Sanchez…”

I swore I’d never do something like that again.

But I did.

Many times.

With padded shorts and gloves. And a helmet.

As a yoga teacher nowadays, practicing present-moment mindfulness, I sometimes look inside with a deep sense of peace, awareness, and an inner confidence that knows that everything is okay. This feeling has remained present in my life even when the going has been tough. I suspect it has always been there, even before I knew what yoga was.

Is resiliency a learned behavior, a result of direct experience? Or, is it innate? Is it part our true nature to be open to the adventure and the gifts of living in the present? And to persevere through the perceived obstacles that often get in our way? Is it about letting go of the way we think life should be like?

On this bike trip, I learned presence. I learned the power of mantra and devotion towards an intention or ideal. I felt the unity of mind, body and spirit while living in the moment of each pedal stroke. I was (and continue to be) drawn to the wonder – and the adventure – of a more spiritual and heartfelt existence, and exploring the wonder of living in the gift of the moment. Maybe we’re each really yogis, and we live lives discovering who we really are.

Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

(John O’Donahue’s “For a New Beginning”)

Bobopelli in VC City 2014

 

A Vision Statement Written in 2012

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Last week, after visiting with my friend Eva in San Diego, I was reminded of a vision statement that I had written in 2012 to help us begin a new non-profit organization, Warriors Live On. Eva has steadfastly worked on developing this organization since that time and growing it with new partners and participants. I returned to Vermont after that time focused on finding new work, hoping that one day we’d work together again. After meeting with her last week, I was overwhelmed with pride and respect for her and her work.

I also dug out the following vision statement that I wrote at that time. It is interesting to note that I wrote this before my wife and I started work at Stratton, before we opened up a yoga studio in Manchester, Vermont, and before I started a hiking club with my warrior-friend Jonah. It was before I met other friends living with PTSD or learned about Y12SR or read about current neurological research in mindfulness or knew about HeartMath or Brene Brown or Candace Pert. It was based on personal experiences and insights. It makes me wonder if this vision statement will be in my future intentions again…

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Mission:

Provide educational and life-changing experiences for people, especially combat veterans, battling through the symptoms of PTSD who are motivated to learn and live in a supportive and healing environment that includes: (1) therapeutic adventure activities that build trusting community and individual understanding of new self; (2) whole body-mind-spirit healing and therapies that teach new healthy daily practices to heal effects of trauma; and (3) educational experiences in an interactive, interdependent and sustainable working community that build new life skills for a fulfilling and enriching life.  

(1) Therapeutic adventure activities that build trusting community and individual understanding of new self:

  • Programs and activities that use experiential education models in an adventure setting to provide therapeutic and behavioral-changing outcomes. Through intentional and directed group activities and processing that includes interaction, teamwork, and trust-building, participants build sense of safety and have enriching “ah-hah” moments that build community, self-efficacy, and understanding of personal strengths and behavior.
  • Participants build relationships with other participants, interns, and staff through activities in an outdoor natural environment.
  • Teaching is conducted in a strengths-based, non-judgmental manner, building trust, mutual respect, feelings of safety and support.

(2) Whole body-mind-spirit healing and therapy that teach new healthy daily practices to heal effects of trauma:

  • Programs will be holistic in nature, addressing whole body health, and teaching daily practices that can heal the effects of trauma. Traditional therapies for PTSD deal primarily with the mind; cutting-edge holistic therapies take advantage of the interconnectedness of mind, body and spirit.
  • Participants will have the following therapies and healing services available to them on a daily basis (in addition to the recreational and adventure therapies): yoga and meditation; one-on-one and group therapy; creative art and music activities; animal therapies.

(3) Educational experiences in an interactive, interdependent and sustainable working community that build new life skills for a fulfilling civilian life:

  • Retreat setting will be a working homestead with organic gardening; food shopping and meal preparation education for healthy nutrition; animal care; synergistic relationship-building with local farmers, restaurants, and merchants; sustainable practices using renewable energy and recycled water technologies; artisan skill-building such as timber framing and/or other homestead crafts; and landscaping work. Participants will learn these practices through hands-on experience.
  • Through participation and group reflection, life-skills are learned, relationships are built, group behavior is valued, and personal “can-do” attitudes are developed.

Services:

On-site workshops, group sessions, skill-building, healing and therapeutic services.

Off-site adventure workshops and activities, therapeutic recreation and experiential learning.

On-line outreach, community-building, and educational services to the broader community of veterans with PTSD and people battling through trauma. Educational articles, blogging, expert advice, on-line mentoring and support services.

Writing: books, articles in professional journals, on-line media.

Trainings, consultation and mentoring for interested groups and organizations.

Participation in research and cutting-edge studies.

Participants:

Veterans of OIF and OEF who are either diagnosed with PTSD or who are battling through similar symptoms of combat stress, such as depression, anxiety, panic, and inability to function, and who are generally having trouble functioning and living in their civilian lives. These veterans will most likely be those who have already been treated in a clinical setting and are adjusting to home life unsuccessfully, or those who have never been diagnosed or treated and are having difficulty with the symptoms years after their active duty. The veterans will be screened, interviewed and required to complete an intake process to determine motivation, need, and behavioral issues. This will not be a program for veterans that are suicidal. It will be a program for veterans who are aware that they have a problem adjusting to civilian life and that they are motivated to learn how to get better.

There will be a code of conduct that will include: norms of behavior (mutual respect, no alcohol or casual drugs or other self-medications not prescribed, safety, etc), activity guidelines, responsibilities for group living, and future mentoring and promotions (recruiting future participants).

Ideally, each session would have 10-12 participating veterans attending on scholarship for the session, 4-6 long-term seasonal interns (alumni, veterans who can stay for longer terms, interested civilians with PTSD experience) who would provide primary facility services and support on a work-for-free participation basis; and 4-6 fee-paying civilians who would volunteer to be involved in group skill-building and recreational activities.

Eventually, will conduct programs and retreats for caregivers and families of veterans addressing the veteran’s “dynamics” at home.

Location and Housing:

The retreat is intended to be sustainable and organic in nature. Permanent housing will be provided for 2-4 facility owners (and their families or partners). Temporary housing will be provided for participants, interns and fee-paying guests (18-24 total).

Housing will be low-impact, low-energy, green and sustainable in nature. Common and public services will be shared. Private spaces and facilities will be provided.

Permanent housing will small or tiny houses. Temporary housing could be a series of small modular-types cottages, tents or yurts.

There will be a common building with a commercial kitchen, laundry room, public baths and showers, yoga and meditation room, meeting room, treatment room, offices, and fitness room. Common building could be renovated existing farmhouse. There will also be a barn for outdoor workshops, animals, equipment storage, and facility support.

Entire facility would be planned in a manner that retreat could be subdivided and sold as private or public housing.

Retreat has become a sustainable geographic location with the following physical attributes (no order of priority):

  • Acreage (approximately 25 – 50 acres).
  • Proximity to thriving community with local farms and artisans and support services.
  • Proximity to preserved nature land, preferably forested and mountainous, open spaces, great views.
  • Proximity to sustainable water supply, for drinking and recreation. Consider climate in 10-20 years.
  • Temperate local environment with high norms for days with sunshine (for solar facilities: no extreme heating- or cooling- days; for outdoor recreation; for growing food; for health).
  • Progressive community economics and social services; proximity to wealth for local financial support; like-minded businesses for partnerships and synergistic, socially-responsible relationships.
  • Proximity to major airport & transportation hub (plane, train, bus, vehicle travel) for easy access for travelers.
  • Proximity to adaptive sports facility and volunteer base for outdoor activities.
  • Proximity to outdoor education and therapeutic recreation choices: (1) Hiking and backcountry travel, (2) Flat water kayaking, (3) Biking, (4) Whitewater rafting, (5) Skiing, snowboarding and snowshoeing (Backcountry, downhill, cross-country), (6) Rock climbing, (7) Surfing.
  • Veteran-friendly community, perhaps with local VA facilities for referrals.
  • On-site running water (stream) for tranquility and meditation.
  • Proximity to university with research interests in our work.

Organizational Philosophy:

Participant involvement will be experiential, hands-on, interactive, and relationship-building. It will be conducted in a manner that teaches life skills that can be applied daily in civilian life. As such, participants will be responsible for many of the daily activities required to run the retreat.

For continued growth, learning, and involvement in cutting edge work, the schedule and culture of this organization will promote learning and off-site travel. The leaders of this organization will be able to bring new life to this organization each session, promote work and personal growth in between, and continue on-line support as necessary at the same time.

To keep the organization a grassroots and socially-responsible business, we will seek supporters at a grassroots and local level. It will be desirable to have many small and invested supporters rather than just a few remote supporters. We’d like this organization to be as sustainable as possible. It may require individual fees or contributions from participants. We’d like to partner with local farmers and healthy food providers to assist with food services and joint marketing. We’d like to partner with local adaptive organizations for mutual support and longevity. We’d like to partner with larger organizations to provide services that are more intimate and holistic than they can provide. We’d like to provide with various holistic health organizations for services, such as local practitioners, local artisans, and local transportation service providers.

Other Relevant Ideas Related to Healing and Culture:  

Process begins when person becomes aware of a personal issue and becomes motivated to change. For someone to decide to then spend time with us, they’d have to first develop a feeling that coming to our program would be safe and beneficial. So, they’d have to first have some level of trust, faith, and hope that coming to our program will help. This is where on-line community with story-telling may be beneficial.

Story-telling might provide sense of validation, validation that their personal experience is a result of normal reactions to abnormal circumstances. Thus, on-line community might also provide educational stories, providing feeling that one is not alone and that others have same or similar symptoms.

Education might help participants realize that: the mind and body have changed; there are practices to help you change again; the physical imprints of trauma are stored in one’s body; emotional pathways are wide-open- all emotions- positive and negative, and logical and memory pathways are reduced; pathways to healing involves mindfulness, body work, and re-programming of thought processes to affect emotional response.

Developing mindfulness skills through meditation and therapies, and discovering the mind-body-spirit connections through yoga and outdoor activity in beautiful (and safe) settings will be the foundation of a beneficial community environment. We’d also teach: relaxation techniques to help get rest, recover and help body re-program nervous system; healthy eating and lifestyle skills that help body rebuild healthy cells, pathways, and bodily systems.

Vulnerability- Being vulnerable is uncomfortable for everyone, especially for those trained to be stoic and trained to control the situations one is faced with. However, through experiencing vulnerability in a safe and supportive environment, we learn about ourselves, our true and authentic nature, and we learn to appreciate the positive emotions that we are now experiencing.

Through learning about our own personal vulnerabilities, our true selves and authentic nature, and our inherent strengths and positive attributes, we develop self-efficacy. Through self-efficacy and feelings of self-worth in our “constantly-growing” bodies, with a new outlook that lets go of control and embraces living in the moment mindfully, we further develop positive emotions and we start to open up the neurological pathways to parts of our brain and body that have been shut down, allowing ourselves to heal previous physical imprints and re-program ourselves to a new healthy being.

Through this process, we discover a new sense of worthiness, that inside we feel like we are safe, worthy, and deserve goodness. We start to have faith in the future again, faith in ourselves, faith in others. Fear starts to become manageable and it eventually subsides. With faith comes hope; hope is a fundamental feeling that continues to allow all other positive emotions to develop.

Being in a beautiful outdoor setting not only helps participants feel safe, it helps them see beauty again in the world, helping them tune into the big picture, the miracles of life, and further develop positive emotions and spiritual presence. Being in a supportive environment where people appreciate the positive aspects of each other (strengths-based), participants start to let go of self-judgment and see the possibilities of positive, interdependent personal relationships with others, and will be motivated to find supportive communities at home.

Other skills-based and teams-based learning activities (food planning and preparation, arts and crafts, fitness and sports, sustainable home-living skills, animal care) further develop the sense of interdependence, worthiness, self-efficacy, and the feelings that we can thrive in our new bodies in our new civilian lives, and feel safe. Other creative activities like music, drumming, story-telling, and dance also help develop the idea of being vulnerable, non-judgmental, and free to share positive emotions.

Experiential education (EE) and therapeautic adventure (TA) models in a strengths-based learning environment, in a setting that is beautiful and safe, are the basis for developing this healing or living-well process. In an intentional manner, participants will be faced with sequenced situations that develop teamwork, trust, communication, and being vulnerable with others. If this vulnerability takes place in a safe and supportive sequence that builds trusting relationships, personal skills and interpersonal trust, participants go through a self-realization process that allows them to continue to succeed, one step at a time, building self-efficacy and self-worthiness. Other complimentary therapies would be utilized to support this process along the way, helping participants cope, helping participants become more aware, helping participants learn to be compassionate towards themselves, helping participants find physical health and spiritual health in their current mental being, and helping participants develop positive emotions and feelings of faith and hope. The EE and TA processes are the basis of what helps us all to quickly develop the sense of brotherhood or (sisterhood), trust, and which allows us to begin the process of being vulnerable and open to learning, changing, and living happy and well.

Hanuman

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Last week, my wife and I spent the week with Dr. Manoj Chalam (a teacher of Hindu symbolisms and mythology), his wife Jyothi Chalam (a Vedanta scholar and South Indian classical singer), yoga and mindfulness teacher Christina Enneking, and about 80 other knowledge seekers at the Rising of Knowledge retreat in San Diego, CA. We practiced yoga, meditation, ceremony, and learned about Vedanta philosophy and yogic (Hindu) deities. We visited the Self Realization Meditation Gardens in Encinitas. Of course, it was an enlightening week. I thought I’d share some of Manoj’s teachings and their relevance to my life’s journey.

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When you visit our yoga studio in Vermont, you will see murtis, statues of Hindu and Buddhist deities such as Ganesh, Shiva, Lakshmi, Sarasvati, and Hanuman. You can understand a deity at many levels. The easiest way to relate to them is as personal archetypes. The word archetype was coined by the Swiss psychotherapist, Carl Jung. An archetype is a symbol or a form that is imprinted in your subconscious.

There are archetypes from many traditions. For instance, the Sun God is called Ra (Amun Ra) in the Egyptian tradition. The same Sun God in the Roman tradition is called Mitra, while in the yogic (Hindu) tradition, the Sun god is also Mitra or Surya. Even though the cultures were thousands of miles apart, these are Universal archetypes. Interestingly, Mitra was born of a virgin mother on December 25, was a wandering preacher with 12 disciples and when he died, he was resurrected 3 days later! Of course, the cross is another beautiful archetypical symbol. The Hawaiians call these archetypes Aumakua such as Pele, Goddess of the Fire. And I’ve written before about the four archetypes of Warrior, Healer, Teacher and Visionary (I base my morning ritual on them).

The entire philosophy of yogic Self-Realization is embedded in the symbols of these archetypes. These archetypes are within our Collective Unconscious. These archetypes lie deeply embedded in our Causal Body and are available for the whole human race. They appear in times of transition in our lives and help guide us to achieve higher ideals in life. One of the highest ideals is knowledge about oneself (self-realization). When we know who our archetype is, we can learn how to invoke the associated knowledge and superhuman ideals in our lives. At its very core, these teachings are not a religion nor a philosophy. It is a Sadhana (Spiritual Practice) of actualizing our human potential in every stage of our lives. It is always Perfecting as opposed to Perfection and looking at the good in everything around us.

The Sanskrit word for archetype is Ishtadevata. Ishta means desired and devata means deity. The murtis (statues) are not “out there”, but within you as archetypes. They not only help you in your transformation, but they lead you to Awakening. As Joseph Campbell said, myths are Collective Dreams, while your dreams are Personal Myths! When your personal dreams, hopes, and aspirations are in tune with the Collective Dreams or myths, there is amazing harmony in your life.

Finding your archetype (Ishtadevata) is like falling in love: the form of the deity has to appeal to you. It is like walking into a room of new people and immediately liking someone, or going into an art museum and connecting with a piece of art.

Similarly, you can look at these deities, touch them, feel them, understand their Symbolisms and myths. Sooner than later you will find yourself gravitating to one, two or three deities. Usually you have one primary archetype and another secondary one. They change during your life because you change! These archetypes give you the reason to live with joy and help you in your personal, professional and spiritual aspects of your life. They also remind us of the grander ideals we can all live for. They bring out the yearning some of us have to make an impact on people and society and leave a legacy beyond the transitory nature of our lives.

About 20 years ago, I took a grand leap and left my job as a partner in a consulting structural engineering firm. As a young engineer, I had progressed quickly into a leadership role. I was quickly emerging as a firm and regional leader, designing large projects, developing key clients, publishing research work, and leading regional professional organizations. Knowing deep inside that there was a greater service-oriented purpose in my life, I resigned. I had no plans, no job, no idea what was next. But I felt this incredible sense of inner power and devotion to a greater purpose in my life.

Since that time, I have pursued work as a teacher, a coach, a wellness coach and mentor, a spiritual seeker, and as a yoga practitioner. I am a devoted step-father and husband… and son. I have taken additional leaps of faith on my life’s journey, often when my professional career leads me astray from my heart-felt greater purpose. Looking back now, after meeting Manoj and learning about these archetypes, I have realized that the Hanuman in me was guiding me and giving me the power to make these various leaps, especially since that time. But, like many other archetypes and spirit guides with whom I walk, I realize that Hanuman has always been with me.

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In a nutshell, Hanuman represents superhuman strength and superhuman intellect with a high degree of devotion. He resides in the heart chakra. If there is one deity who embodies Bhakti (devotion or love-attachment), it is Lord Hanuman. Power comes from devotion. Hanuman represents service towards others with a keen sense of humility.

Hanuman is the ultimate quiet, non-attention-seeking superhero. He enjoys working behind the scenes to support others. Many aspects of yoga come from Hanuman, including many asanas. His father was Vayu, the wind deity so he taught the yogic world pranayama. His guru was Surya, the Sun god so he taught the world Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation). He is so intelligent that he is able to reconcile the three main systems of Vedanta philosophy: Dwaita (Duality), Vishishta Advaita (qualified non duality) and Advaita (non duality). Manoj illustrates this aspect in this story: When this unassuming monkey becomes a superstar of the Ramayana, at the end Ram asks Hanuman “Who are you?” Hanuman replies: deha bhavena dasosmi – when I take identification with my body, I am your (God’s) servant. This is Dwaita, duality where you are separate from God and thus express devotion, the path of Bhakti; jiva bhavena twadamshakaha – when I take identification with the traveling soul, I am a part of you – this is Vishishta Advaita, qualified non duality where you are part of God; and atma bhavena twamevaham – when I take identification with pure Consciousness, I am You – this is Advaita, pure non-duality.

And of course Hanuman’s mythical leap to move mountains is memorialized in the pose Hanumanasana. This pose asks you not merely to stretch your legs but also to bring true devotion into your practice. Hanumanasana expresses the expansiveness possible when devotion is in the heart—the sense that you can overcome any obstacle when your yearning to help is combined with reverence and respect, as well as an intense and fiery devotion. In Hanumanasana you strive to reach much further than seems humanly possible.

It is interesting how my personal musings and reflections in the past years have led me down the path of looking at God or the Divine from these various perspectives. I have always felt that I am really me when I am observing myself and the world around me as a totally interconnected, loving, joyful, and spiritual soul… Advaita. In this place, I feel ultimate power and our divine nature… and I see in others our power and divine nature.

Experiences are always shared; our lives are always connected. In you, I see me. I am, because we are. Or, as the Beatles might say: “I am he as you are he as you are me – and we are all together!” and “And life flows on within you and without you…”

Om Anjaneya Namah.

Thank you, Manoj, for being you… and for sharing your insights with the world. (Much of the content in this article is directly from Dr. Manoj Chalam’s teachings.)

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Random Morning Perspective

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In a world where externally-motivated approval, wealth-accumulating desire, and survival of the fittest are the norms of day-to-day existence, have we lost our sense of inner power, interdependence and interconnectedness?

If the lessons of our ancestors (and the results of modern neurological research) teach us that we as humans are intended to seek feelings of interconnectedness and happiness, and that we have the power to make choices, have we lost our direction?

What if, through all of these centuries, we as humans have defined God in a manner which helps us personally explain our deep desire for feelings of interconnectedness and happiness?

What if, instead of looking for these feelings externally (through approval from a perceived higher external power, wealth, or competitive success), we just focus our day-to-day living on practicing feelings of mutual interconnectedness and happiness?

What would that look like? What would that feel like?

Do we, each of us as individual humans living in an interdependent world, indeed have the power to choose how we act, how we behave, and how we interact?

Maybe, just maybe, we’ll find our own connection with God internally by taking responsibility for our own thoughts and actions… and directing ourselves towards a common vision of interconnectedness and happiness.

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Changing Habitual Emotional Reactions

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(From Terry Fralich: The Five Core Skills of Mindfulness)

Each time you encounter a negative emotion (irritation, impatience, anxiety, anger, etc) that threatens to dominate your awareness, try practicing the following:

STOP – Recognize the warning signs of the emotional reaction as soon as possible, and remind yourself to pay attention to them immediately.

BREATHE – Become sensitive to the natural softening quality of your breathe, and send a mental message to your body to release and let go, allowing the negative emotion to soften.

REFLECT – Appraise the situation: Is your reaction supported by old patterns or stories or past experiences? What resources and options do you have in the present moment? Can you change your perspective about how you see yourself in this situation? What are your best insights from this situation and what do you want to remember?

CHOOSE – Having become more aware of your negative emotion and possible patterned response, settled yourself a bit, and tapped into your insights, consider other possible reactions. Remember that you have the power to choose your reaction; can you shift an old pattern and make a creative choice towards another possible reaction? What might be your best choice under all of the circumstances?

This 4-step mindfulness practice can be a powerful tool.

For me (if the situation allows), listening to my body, and perhaps moving my body or relocating myself to a natural and safe place, can help the breathing process and help make my reflections clearer and more in tune with my natural instincts and my deeper intuition.

I try to remember that I am human – bad things happen and I make mistakes – but I also have the ability (and responsibility) to choose my response. If I practice these steps, and pay attention to my positive intentions in life, cultivating positive states (delight, joy, calm, confident, loving, etc) in mind and body, I will eventually change habitual negative emotional reactions to more positive responses, responses which will also be more in tune with my true nature.

Ubuntu

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I was personally introduced to the concept of Ubuntu a few years ago by a close friend. It aligned closely, from my perspective, with the Gaia Theory (Gaia being the name of the timber-frame-home design business I started years ago), that we are all connected and can be viewed like a single organism. The word came to mind this weekend when discussing the concept of isvara-pranidhana during our discussion of the Niyamas, and the dedication to the ideal of pure awareness and the interconnectedness of all things.

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From drfranklipman.com (Thanks to Christie for sharing this, and to Mike for showing me the way.):

What does Ubuntu mean?

Ubuntu is a Xhosa word which serves as the spiritual foundation of African societies. It basically means what makes us human is the humanity we show each other. It articulates a basic understanding, caring, respect and compassion for others. Ubuntu is a belief in a universal bond of sharing that unites all of humanity – the conviction that no person can be truly full while his neighbor remains hungry. It represents a world-view that sees humanity as a web of family, rather than a mass of individuals. This philosophy affirms that a person is a person through other people, that we are all related, interdependent and connected to each other. This is similar to what we know as compassion, compassion for ourselves, our families, our community, the global community and the earth.

How do you think the practice of Ubuntu effects one’s health?

I think we all tend to get caught up with our own “dramas” which keeps us in our heads and takes up a lot of energy. When we stop focusing on ourselves and when we are sharing or being compassionate to others, we let go of a lot of unnecessary anxiety about our own dilemmas. So we often actually receive more than we give. It is a selfish thing, but if you want to feel better, helping others will probably help you as much if not more than whoever you are helping. Giving without receiving or expecting anything in return is extremely uplifting. I believe what it does physiologically to you is the opposite of the stress response, it stimulates the parasympathetic system. But also when one sees how others are living and they are happy even when they have nothing or very little materially, it often shifts one’s perspective on life and what’s important and how you feel. And often when people learn to give or start volunteering and caring for others, they in turn learn then to care for themselves as well. For many giving to others is easier than giving love to themselves, so it can help people learn self love.

What do you recommend for someone to kindle in them a sense of Ubuntu?

Find something that is meaningful to you, that you can connect with. It needs to be more than just giving money….which is nice but impersonal. When you connect with the person or persons you are giving to, it is probably the best thing you can do for your health. Partly, I think this is because what has happened in our culture today, many of us feel isolated. Whereas in Africa, there is still community, extended families, people feel less isolated, the support systems are usually better. I think what happens is we are so busy trying to survive in this crazy hectic world, we don’t have time to serve others or give back because of time constraints. But it is in our nature, everyone wants to give, we have just been numbed by our culture. That’s why if you look at most “slower” societies, there is more Ubuntu. So I would say, it is in our nature, it is a part of us, let it out.

Striving

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It was interesting to hear a group of yogis have a rather intense discussion on the word striving recently, often taking issue with the word. I remember a workshop almost a year ago when two of my favorite yoga teachers had the same pointed discussion on the same word. I remember it as being one of the most insightful discussions I had heard at the time; two master teachers, each expressing their unique and sometimes differing perspectives. To me, that is the essence of learning to live a full and joyous life: seeing and paying attention to multiple perspectives, then synthesizing them in a way that gives enhanced personal understanding and a greater sense of inner knowingness.

To me, this process of synthesizing multiple perspectives, engaging in deep personal reflection and learning, then adapting with time to continue to survive happily in the present moment, is the essence of my yoga practice. No judgment, just learning and adapting. Isn’t this what svadhyaya (the second Niyama) is all about? When we look inside with a sense of discovery and wonder, we begin to understand the difference between knowledge and knowingness, information and wisdom. When our sense of awareness is lively, joy arises from within rather than being dependent on outer influences or accomplishments.

I know that when a word or a concept causes a sense of uneasiness, it is worth looking at why and delving deep into the question. Why did the word striving cause such an intense reaction? Hmmm.

For me at least, it might show how deeply we hold on to doing things the way we think they are supposed to be done based on outside influences (job advancement, approval, norms of behavior), rather than letting go of those outside expectations and acting in a manner authentic to our true selves and our own sense of inner wisdom.

Striving can mean our steady work to fulfill our true purposes in life and our acting in a manner according to our deepest intentions and wisdom. It can mean having faith in ourselves and our own unique abilities and acting accordingly. For instance, my striving to build my body and mind, and to be spiritually connected as a result of my honest emotional expressions of love and connection to others, is my way of finding joy in my life. It is me, the wise me, learning through personal discovery and self-study with a sense of awe and wonder, adapting each day to the circumstances of the present situation and experience. It is constantly balanced with a keen awareness of acceptance, respecting my own vulnerabilities, humbly seeing the interdependence of all things around me and the way things are.

But striving can also mean the constant desire to do what other’s think you need to do, to act in a competitive manner to succeed in comparison to others, to become attached to a career identity or a certain status, or to just feel like you are never good enough the way you already are. It can also mean striving to do a yoga posture that isn’t right for your body just because some other guru, living in a different body, said that this is the way this posture should be done.

Personally, I am motivated to learn and to adapt, to strive to live a full expression of my life while accepting honestly and humbly who I already am. I am motivated to strive to see and respect the best in others, showing compassion and sharing honest caring emotions, while accepting that they walk their own path. I strive to be responsible for myself: my health, my happiness, and my actions. I accept that because we are all interconnected and interdependent (and that I am human), my fate is not just up to me.

I look for learning in all interactions and experiences. I strive to respect the perspective of every person, young and old, weak and strong, quiet and loud. I honor other yoga teachers and the long lineage of yoga teachers. But it is up to me to find my own peace and joy in my life, both striving to be me, making effort to practice and learn as my best self, while accepting all that is me and that will always be me… and being aware of the difference.

I enroll in yoga teacher-trainings to be challenged to learn multiple perspectives in order to learn more about myself and my place on this planet; I do not enroll in yoga teacher-trainings in order to strive for outside recognition or to learn to do things in a certain accepted way. It does not impress me when someone tells me that I need to do things a certain way, just because that person has been taught by many big personalities or influential teachers. It is always up to me to synthesize a teacher’s perspectives with respect and an attitude of whole-hearted learning, but then act in an authentic and honest manner according my deep sense of personal inquiry and wisdom. I believe that this is the essence of the Sutras as well as many other spiritually-guided texts.

As a teacher, it is my job to guide and empower others to find their own sense of personal knowingness and wisdom, learn more about their own bodies and minds, their own sense of importance and vulnerability and connectedness, not to encourage them to strive in a certain manner just because it is my own personal perspective or the normal way to do things.

To me, this is how we all learn to live together for the greater good of us all and this planet. It is indeed my perspective that we are innately wired to live this way… but it also my perspective that as a teacher, I’m only striving to help others discover this in their own manner, if indeed it is the way we are intended to be.

To me, this is the essence of being a yogi and a yoga teacher. To me, this is why I absolutely love having engaging and interactive non-judgmental discussion on deep subjects, like on the concept of striving.

And, to me, this is why I absolutely love to sit down, reflect, and write afterwards.

Bobopelli in VC City 2014

The Story of River Sierra: A Story Inspired by the Niyamas

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River was almost 40 years old when he married Bluebird Sky, the mother of a 9-year-old son Little Tree, and a 6-year old daughter Little Flower. River had been married once before, too, but had no children of his own. He was happy to start a new life, living with his new family in their rural mountain home.

River knew that there were a series of tragic events a number of years ago that had led to Bluebird Sky’s divorce from Gray Night; he knew his new wife Bluebird worked hard to put their past behind her and start a new life with River by her side.

Through their early years together, River and Bluebird took the kids on many adventures – hiking, skiing, and camping in the wilderness. They lived a healthy lifestyle – eating well, exercising regularly, and living naturally in their mountain community. They tried to cultivate a happy and wholesome new life together. They were able to have a clean start, enjoying a natural, down-to-earth existence (sauca = purification).

A few years later, Gray Night, who had been serving a jail sentence as a result of the tragic events from years before, moved into the local town. Understandably, he wanted to be closer to his two children.

However, Bluebird Sky got very sick. She became overwhelmed with fear, being reminded of the earlier events in their lives. She struggled and struggled to put the past feelings behind her, but she couldn’t. The panic and fear was held deep in her body, and it took over her ability to live a normal life. She struggled and struggled each day to be the mom her children expected, but that expectation was quickly becoming impossible for her to satisfy.

River remained by her side – determined to be a strong husband, working hard to be there in support of the whole family, trying steadfastly to get through each day, one day at a time, practicing the healthy behaviors he had come to know, doing the best he could. He sold many personal belongings and withdrew savings in order to pay hospital bills. He had to remain focused on his wife’s care, trying to find peace within the chaotic circumstances, being content with what was most important – daily survival (santosa = contentment).

River was a disciplined and loyal man. He got up each morning, exercised privately, got the kids off to school, took care of his wife, and tried to find time to do his job’s work and research for his wife’s care. He was reminded during this time of his own personal resolve and resiliency, having tested himself as a youth with the unpopular decision not to drink or try drugs, to dedicate himself to learning and excellence in schoolwork, and to pedal his bicycle hundreds of miles at a time (tapas = discipline).

Many of his days were spent just breathing with his wife, practicing a breath they had learned years before while studying yoga together, reading poems that reminded them to have faith, and listening to calming music to get through the days between doctor and hospital visits. When possible, they would often go for quiet, therapeutic hikes in the woods with their pet dog, Jackson Moose. When able, they would practice yoga asana, moving their bodies with their breath. During these practices, they would find some moments of peacefulness.

Each day, they did what they needed to do to get through the day, struggling and struggling to get through the fear and panic associated with their lives slowly slipping away, fighting bravely to be well-intentioned parents for their kids. However, the constant reminder of the past events due to the proximity of Gray Night largely left Bluebird trapped in her house, sick, panicking, and full of fear. The protective and caring nature of River kept him isolated in their home, afraid to leave Bluebird alone.

Eventually, River’s research and study went from seeking medical-related advice from doctors and reading literature written by others, to listening more closely to his own intuition and trusting his own instincts (svadhyaya = self-study or spiritual exploration).

One day, he realized that he was holding on too closely to a vision that he had of the way he hoped his marriage would be like. As he listened more closely to his inner knowingness, surrendering himself to his more Divine nature and his faith in the Universe, he realized that he had to let go of expectations of the way he thought his wife should be, how his future would be, and trust that things would unfold in their lives in a healthy way if he listened without judgment, loved without condition, and trusted without question (isvara-pranidhana = dedication to ideal of pure awareness or surrender to the Divine).

Things shifted.

Within days, they found new care. New doctors understood the previous trauma and cleansed Bluebird’s body of the toxic medications prescribed by previous doctor after doctor. Bluebird started to find her light again. She realized that she would be okay if she let go of the suffering from the past, practiced a new way of living mindfully each day, and didn’t worry about how the future might turn out. She took responsibility for this new practice of mindful living, learning to maintain a wise perspective, and day by day, she got better.

Gray Night moved away.

Years later, Bluebird Sky’s experiences would lead her to a simpler life of healing. She created a heart-centered, community-building wellness center, shining her light again brightly in the support of others, feeling abundance in the love of others, and utilizing her personal experiences with new inspiration. There were multiple steps along the way, yes, but each step allowed a new perspective. Today, she practices to maintain a bird’s-eye view, remembering to rejoice in the spirit of the present moment.

Little Tree and Little Flower would grow up quickly, graduate from colleges, and begin resilient young lives in thriving cities, leaving their rural roots in the mountains, at least for today.

River Sierra would learn to flow with life again as himself, letting go somewhat of the day-to-day responsibility of keeping his family alive and healthy, exploring new work possibilities with a clearer and wiser perspective, and knowing deep inside that his gift had always been to see the beauty in others even when they didn’t see it themselves… And to convey instinctively a sense of safety and faith. For him, sometimes all that would mean would be to be there when the time was right, to plant seeds, feed them, and happily watch them grow.

Sometimes, all that it would mean would be to just be content with the way things are.

Letting go, River flows naturally again.

Riding the Marriage Bike Home

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(This is a story I wrote with my wife Jo Kirsch. It is 13 years old, but it is still fun to read and worth sharing today. It was previously published in The Cracker Barrel, a Wilmington, VT magazine.)

2015-09-24

Riding a bicycle for many miles can be a challenge for anyone. Riding 470 miles in 6 days over the Continental Divide twice, in temperatures ranging from 32 degrees to 99 degrees, well, this takes a certain mental attitude of determination no matter who you are. Now, try it on a tandem mountain bike when you’ve never been on one before, try it when one rider has never been on a bike for more than 25 miles at a time before, and try it with minimal seasonal training. Now, to top it off, try it with your spouse!

Last summer we ventured to Colorado to do just that as part of the Bicycle Tour of Colorado, a fundraiser for the Public Broadcasting System in Colorado. Our lives are busy, so finding training time was rare. We threw out the training guide sent to us by the organizers and said, “We can do this. It will be a great experience.” We decided to avoid the hassles of transporting our bikes and found a rental shop on the web near the race start in Salida. We wanted to share the experience together, so we thought, “Why not a tandem? They have a mountain bike tandem at the rental shop. Good gear range. Stable. Why not?”

As we rode around town the first day getting used to the bike, people would stop and talk with us. “Oh, you’re on the divorce bike.” “Do you guys have a strong relationship?” “You’re not newlyweds, are you?”  “How are your communication skills?” “Do you totally trust one another?”

We smiled. We thought, “What are we getting ourselves into?” We practiced. Left turn. Right turn. Pedal. Glide. Stop. Go. BUMP! “How do you get out of these pedals?” We set up our tent with a thousand other riders on the school football field for the next day’s early morning start. There were only a couple other tandems and they were both road bikes. We didn’t speak much. Our neighbors in our tent community, from Minnesota, smiled knowingly, “You’ve never done this before? You’ve never been on a tandem before?” She was a triathlete, he was less experienced. Both of us sank deep into our own thoughts and slept lightly, filled with anticipation for the next day.

We have our own recollections of the next few days….

Day One: Salida to Gunnison; 65 miles over Monarch Pass (Elevation: 11,312 feet)

Bob: “A mile or two out of town on a gently sloped, straight highway, I enjoy the air against my face, I revel in the sense of freedom a bike gives me. Excited, I pedal harder as everyone else who passes us says hello, then makes some sort of wisecrack. I want to keep up. ‘Are you pedaling back there?’ I ask.”

Jo: “I don’t believe this. We’re hardly on our way and I’m hurting all over. My back hurts, my knee hurts. I need something stronger than Advil to numb my body. Everyone is passing us. How can that be when I’m pedaling as hard as I possibly can? Bob’s moaning about adjusting his cadence  … slowing it down…. to match mine. Well at least the sky is a perfect shade of blue and the temperature is just right. Oh, there’s a gas station. Let’s stop so I can get some Excedrin.”

Bob: “The road starts to get steeper quickly. More people pass us. I put my head down and just pedal. It is going to be a long day, but I’ve pedaled long days before. Just keep going. ‘We’re never going to get there if we keep stopping so you can pee.”‘ Keep drinking, I tell her and remind myself. The first aid station can’t be that far away. Inside, I worry that she is already taking aspirin.”

Jo: “Wow, we are starting to go up. I just have to keep on pedaling. I can do this. I know I can. The thing is I keep drinking, because I know I have to, and then I have to go pee. Well at least stopping to go pee gets my butt off this seat for a minute or two. Wow, look at that tandem go by. Those two are standing up and pedaling in tandem. How the heck do they do that? This is going to be a long day. I’m just focusing on each moment. I know I can do this.”

Bob: “Refreshed after the first aid station and excited after the wealth of fresh foods we had eaten, I again crank away. It is uphill, with no end in sight. We come around one mountain bend only to see another still going up. ‘Keep pulling the majority of the load up the hill. I can do it,’ I think. Hot sun. Dry lips. Sunscreen. ‘Keep breathing’, I tell her. ‘Keep drinking.’ It is a beautiful day with beautiful views.”

Jo: ‘We must be reaching the top of the hill. If we can reach the summit, the Continental Divide, it will be amazing. I’ve driven up winding roads like this before that climb up and up and up. I never imagined I’d be riding a bike up a mountain pass like this. I keep looking at the back of Bob’s shirt. It has a map of the whole tour screened on it and l can follow our path up Monarch Pass. Are we really climbing from 7000′ to 11,312’? I’m just going to keep counting and pedaling. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 1, 2, 3…”

Bob: “The paint on the road reads: YOU DID IT! We made it to the top. Music is playing. Food is plentiful. I am exhausted but energized at the same time. We have a long downhill with hairpin turns ahead. How will the brakes work on a tandem? How will she react to speed? We aren’t even halfway there yet…”

Jo: “Wow, I think I hear music. I can’t believe it. We reached the summit. It’s all downhill from here. Hey, they just took our photo! This is cool. We made it. I’m going to get off this bike and go devour some bagels and peanut butter and whatever else they have at this aid station. Wow, it’s extraordinarily beautiful up here.”

Bob: “The speed of the downhill is wonderful. Let it rip. Stand up and feel the air, the freedom. Let the cars wait for us. I’m using the entire lane to carve these turns!”

Jo: “Oh my God! This is SCARY! I just have to hold on to the pedals and stay steady. WE ARE FLYING DOWN THIS ROAD. Oh my God! I don’t want to drive Bob crazy but here comes a corner, which way do I lean, oh please slow down, slow down, slow down. I’m praying. I’m singing prayers. I know he can’t hear me through the wind. Okay, I have to start to relax. Relax, relax, relax. Bob’s done this before, he knows what he’s doing. We’re not going to die. Hey, we’re finally passing some other bikes. I guess these tandems do really rip downhill. Oh, phew, sigh, it’s starting to flatten out. Wow, what a ride.”

Bob: “The ride to Gunnison is long. A slight head wind is in my face. I have nothing left in my legs, but I still feel like I am carrying most of the load and have to continue to do it. Thirty miles seems so long. Twenty miles. Ten miles. The last mile, where’s the end? Where’s the food? Look at all the people showered, already fed, tents up, walking around refreshed. I go to get food. She goes to pee.”

Jo: “Well, now I wish we had a little downhill left. This flat stretch to Gunnison is going on forever. Just keep pedaling. No choice. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10, 1, 2, 3 … Hey look at that rider. He’s coming towards us. And he looks all clean and showered. “You’re almost there,” he shouts. “The High School is just around the comer.” We made it. Pee. Set up the tent. Shower. Food. Stretch. Sleep. Wow.”

Day Two: Gunnison to Delta; 100 miles; Climb 2,000 feet to over 9,000 feet elevation along the Blue Mesa Reservoir, then descend to the desert at just over 5,000 feet elevation.

Bob: “The crisp morning tail wind is wonderful. We ride along the winding edge of the reservoir, going fast. People still pass us, but I feel great. The first aid station comes quickly. The road along the Black River Canyon winds up and down. I pedal hard. I let us pick up speed on the descents. We ride for a while with a Californian who had recently ridden cross-country. He slows for us. We pedal harder to keep up with him. For once, I feel some power from the back of the bike. This is good. We keep up with a biker who seems very acquainted with bike touring, who seems to be pedaling close to his wife. The descent to the valley floor is amazing. I let it rip. We pass many other bikers, even a cow in the road. It is very hot on the valley floor. It is a desert: 99 degrees and dry. We are parched. I am dehydrated and feel sick. The heat is too much for me. Most bikers are there when we get to the school field. There aren’t many spaces left. They serve ribs for dinner. I am becoming a vegetarian. The shower in the portable shower truck never felt better. I find some shade and don’t move. Two days down. One more day, then a rest day. Everyone talks about the day ahead. A bunch of masochists, I think to myself. They enjoy talking about the difficulty, the pain.”

Jo: “I feel good today. After yesterday I can do anything. I think we’re getting the hang of this. This Canyon is so beautiful. The air against my skin feels nice. Hawks are riding the thermals above. Plenty of sun screen on. The climb today is filled with I switchbacks. This is better than yesterday, because the road climbs a ways and then descends and climbs again. Not all up and all down. I feel more comfortable going down. Lean into the turn. Relax my body. The day is starling to get hot. Keep drinking. Stay hydrated. Keep going. We’re almost there. Ahhhh. I never guessed I’d be showering in a truck in the desert. It feels good to cool off. Can’t wait for the sun to go down. We need sleep.

2015-09-24 Showers

Day Three: Delta to Palisade; 75 miles; Over the Grand Mesa, climbing almost 6,000 feet, then descending again to desert and peach country.

Bob: “A slight incline and headwind greet us. ‘If we’re going to make it through the day, we’re going to have to learn to stand up to climb. Let’s practice.’ The road just gets steeper and steeper. I want to keep pushing, she was starling to lose it. I remind her to breath instead of cursing. ‘Use different muscles.’ To me, it is a test. To her, it seems like torture. ‘Just a little further, then we’ll take a break!” The climb continues after the rest stop near the top, and then it gets steeper. The clouds darken and the temperature drops. Thunder. Rain. Hail. Near freezing temperatures. We neglected the advice to carry rain gear up the climb; we have only nylon windbreakers. I shiver uncontrollably. Some riders seek cover. Many are quitting and taking the sag wagon. The sag wagons wait for us at the top. Our friend from Minnesota is now driving one van, volunteering after suffering through too much knee pain. ‘It is clear up ahead on the other side of the Mesa, but I’ve got room for you in the van if you want a ride.’ The van looks warm, steamy and crowded. We ride. We shiver. I have a hard time controlling my hands for the braking on the descent. My teeth chatter and I can not stop them.”

Jo: “This is hard. I am dehydrated from yesterday. My legs feel like jelly. I drain my camelback, reach the first aid station and begin to come alive. Here we go. This is the endless up. Endless. Keep pedaling. I can’t believe I’m doing this. This is nuts. Everything hurts: my butt, my knee, my stomach, my back. I just keep moving my focus from one pain to the next. I’m losing it. I’m swearing. Bob suggests I close my mouth and focus cm my breath. I’m ready to kill him. But I feel a little better. Keep going,” he says. “This will help you perform when you’re skiing moguls next year and you want to stop and you remember this. This will help you perform and reach your goals in life.” I like this train of thought. Grrrrrr. I’m an athlete. Grrrrrrr. I am strong. Grrrrrrr. I’m an athlete. I can do this. I hear the D.J.’s music. We must be at the summit aid station. My tears are flowing freely in gratitude. Past the aid station, huge storm clouds come up behind us. Lightning and thunder. “What are we going to do?” I shout. “Ride ahead of the storm,” he retorts. He’s nuts… he’s lost it… we’re done for. Where is the sag wagon? Where’s some shelter? This hail hurts. I’m soaked through. This is unbelievable. We make it to the top. The storm passes over. The sag driver said, “The road is dry up ahead. The ride down should be a beauty.” We keep riding. We dry off and warm up as we descend into the aid station in the 90-degree desert. Unbelievable.”

Bob: “Before long, the sun is out and we glide through a beautiful mountain descent. We had been here before with the kids a few years back to camp and backpack. It is familiar. It is beautiful. It is warm again. It is hot again. As we arrive into Palisades, the local fire company greets us with an arcing spray from a fire hose. It is refreshing as it almost evaporates on contact. ‘If they only knew about our day in cold, rain and hail,’ I ponder. The townspeople are so happy to have us in town for two nights and a day. They schedule a barbecue in the park with live music. We rest under the large trees in this little oasis between the steep walls of a canyon surrounding us. They serve more meat, ribs and chipped beef. I eat more veggies and desserts. I also try to deal with an apparent sinus infection. We sit in a pool most of the rest day. We meet an endurance bike rider who competes in 24-hour races (this brings back memories for me) and will be coming to our area to do a Montreal to Boston and back race later that month. He goes for a ride on the day off through the vineyards. We are with some serious bikers, but somehow, after doing the Grand Mesa ourselves, I feel like we have become one of them. I am proud of Jo. She had done it, all the way.”

Jo: “A rest day is just what we need. Write some postcards. Take it easy. Relax. And prepare for three more days of riding. I’m beginning to feel like we can do this. Each day is an eternity. But each time we reach our goal, I feel a huge sense of relief and accomplishment.”

Day Four: Palisade to Glenwood Springs; 76 miles, along a highway in a canyon gently rising 1,000 feet.

Bob: We have a rhythm now. We pedal into a slight headwind the whole way, but along the gentle grades of a highway. After a day off, I am anxious to go through the morning ritual of packing our tent, loading our gear in a truck, eating breakfast and getting on the road again. It doesn’t seem like as many people are passing us today. We cut the wind, speak little and go about our business. We encounter a little rain near the end, but our day is otherwise largely uneventful. We find a patch of green for our tent near the school, take showers, and walk around town. Other bikers arrive behind us. We hold hands.”

Jo: “A long day. Pretty flat. I have a sense now that we can do this. We’re no longer the last riders to come into town and set up our tent.”

Day Five: Glenwood Springs to Leadville; 90 miles, climbing almost 5,000 feet to Tennessee Pass at Elevation 10,424 feet.

Bob: “The ride along the bike path in Glenwood Canyon in the morning is both beautiful and dangerous. We go through it smoothly, but we hear of some crashes. Riding a tandem around bollards and small pedestrian bridges is getting easy for us. The ride through the communities around Vail gets us talking about our ski teaching futures. Some other bikers are drafting behind us. Then the climbs up Battle Mountain and then to Tennessee Pass. We are in sync now. We stand up and climb together, or even take turns. We pass some other climbers. Our legs and butts scream, but we keep going. I pull her. She pushes me. The night of camping in Leadville at over 10,000 feet is glorious. Many riders arrive after us. Some on bikes, some in vans. We watch the sun set. We sleep soundly, only interrupted by our pee breaks. We watch the sun rise. ”

Jo: “We are excited about the day. We have a rhythm now. We communicate well and move together on the bike. The bike path winds along the canyon floor offering incredible views of the rock walls and birds and the rushing Colorado River. We climb two summits today, Battle Mountain and Tennessee Pass. We ride by ski areas and are energized by the big mountains. Sometimes we both stand up and pedal. Sometimes Bob is up and I’m down and sometimes, I’m standing up and Bob is sitting. Wow! My excitement and enthusiasm with our riding, our surroundings and our success is overcoming my pain and exhaustion. This is actually fun. Camping at Leadville High School was dramatic. I hope the kids who go to school here realize the dream they are living, surrounded by 12,000+ feet high mountain peaks. We are as high as a kite. And only one day left… all downhill back to Salida.”

2015-09-24 Tents

Day Six: Leadville to Salida; 60 miles, downhill, past the Collegiate Peaks.

Bob: “Downhill on a tandem is like skiing down a softly-groomed, intermediate run on giant-slalom skis. Effortless. Stable. Cutting the wind decisively. We relax. We stand up. We yell in glee. The fresh morning air, I’ll remember it forever. We glide home, almost sad that it is over. Biking around Salida now is effortless, corners and street signs are now uneventful, and people greet us warmly. We pack up. We return our bike, surprising the shop owners with our success, and spend the afternoon together by the river in the shade. Still married. Wanting to do it again.”

Jo: “The sweet morning air and soft light from the rising sun wash over us as we begin our easy descent to Salida. Effortlessly pedaling and gliding down the road in tandem, we reach the outskirts of town before we’re ready. We ride through the familiar streets and coast under the finish line banner, reaching our destination together, connected and enriched. Still married. Looking forward to our next tour.”